Farewell, Friend : Patricia E. Clark, 1944-2005 · Jul 17, 04:07 PM

Patricia E. Clark died this morning of complications from a stroke.

She was Recording Secretary for the Autism Society of America—Georgia Chapter, and a contributor to the book, Women from Another Planet, an anthology of writings by women on the autistic spectrum.

A memorial page for Patty is now evolving at http://home.mindspring.com/~jradin/patty/home.html.

I will miss her, and I will miss her insights. Here are some of those insights, culled from newsgroup posts she made over the past few months:

On autistic children’s potential and how we affect it:

“I think it’s important to have children with ‘differences’ hear themselves referred to in ‘normal’ ways and not always in the third person. Once you start stepping out of this ‘all kids learn as they grow up’ scenario verbally, the child is learning that he IS a handicap or that he can’t expect a normal life.”

On empathy and realism:

“People deserve to have their feelings validated. Saying ‘I am exhausted and I feel like no one cares about me’ calls for emotional support and also helpful suggestions for tomorrow. No one can work themselves to exhaustion and confusion every single day and always stay chipper and upbeat and perky about their situation!!! Our best hope is to return to that state in the morning.”

On vaccines and autism:

“I get a tetanus booster every 10 years, and I have NOT noticed that they or flu shots make me ‘more autistic.’ I notice that I don’t get tetanus or flu, however.”

On the apparent increase in numbers of autistics:

“The increase is in educational services. It has no relationship to the quantity of autistics ‘left over’ from before the educational law went into effect.

“Before that date we were simply not educated because we were considered ‘not worth the trouble and expense.’

“Odd how clearly I remember those years, ducking the teachers who sensed my discrepancies and tried to get me out of the educational system. Odd how so few of us managed to get enough education and orientation to society without the law behind that no one but me is here to tell the truth.

“HERE I AM!!!!!”

On “beliefs” about autism:

“I believe that as soon as belief becomes a factor in the diagnosis, care of, relation to, etc., of a condition or disease, reason goes out the window and we are all the primordial proto-people hiding in a cave from the darkness.

On diagnosis in adulthood:

“It’s hugely useful. If nothing else, it justifies their lifelong struggle to measure up to what everyone demanded/expected of them and they didn’t/ couldn’t/ wouldn’t produce. It’s such a relief to know you are not a bad person for being yourself.”

On growing older:

“When a woman reaches a certain age, even if she is autistic, it becomes red hat and purple dress time and one forgets to mind every last one of one’s P’s and Q’s and be totally polite and vapid and ineffectual. I shall be Eccentric and noisy.”

On the world as it is today:

“What is going on is that modern life is too stressful…

“It isn’t your kids that are the problem. It’s the way we require people to be islands of strength and don’t support them as either children or adults.

“It’s having to be perfect as an employee (able to be the CEO of your company even if you only want to do a clerk’s job).

“We need a drastic overhaul of our civilization’s outlook and priorities.”

“The essence of total denial operating in society (is) to prevent taking care of business as it needs taking care of.”

On interventions and maturation

(This was Patty’s last substantial post to the St. Johns list.)

“What people don’t ‘get’ about autism, and that allows ‘curebies’ to profit immensely from the panic of parents, is that WE DEVELOP.

“We don’t keep regressing. We start working around our deficits and making progress in our own unique ways.

“It’s ‘normal’ for a diagnosed autistic child to begin to progress whether or not he/she receives costly interventions.

“Apparently some kids with autism are not able to connect this way and progress on their own. ome need more help. And from what I read, there are some or many who do not seem to progress at all, or else the difficulty is so great/ frustration/overload is so appalling, that they just get all defensive and cannot deal with the training.

“However, most autistics progress with reasonable teaching efforts, and most speak by the time they are nine years old. Most are not retarded—merely unable to deal with IQ tests the same way that neurotypical children are able to deal with them.

“It’s possible to push an autistic too hard and induce a regression through panic, overload or whatever is stressing the child/adult with autism. However, it is NORMAL for us to gain skills and abilities as we age.

“By the way, I was diagnosed autistic in 1950. I am still autistic. Nothing changed in the interventing 50-plus years except that I have learned to work better with my disabilities.

“Final word: ideally, a diagnosis is a neurological assessment, not just a compendium of ‘behaviors.’ In that case, it will serve you well in mapping ‘where to go from here.’ If it’s only behaviorally-based, it’s not much help and means little.”

Thank you, Patty.

Comments


  1. Nice going Kathleen. Leave it to a librarian to gather what really is the most fitting eulogy – her words:)

    Thanks

    Bron — Alyric    Jul 17, 10:00 PM    #

  2. I’m getting all verklempt again.

    She was really amazing. AND a grandmother!

    What a tremendous loss.

    Camille — Camille    Jul 17, 10:09 PM    #

  3. Patty was an online friend of mine for years. This is truly a horrible shock. She will be greatly missed. I only regret that I didn’t spend more time chatting with her before she left this world. — RiseNs    Jul 17, 10:25 PM    #

  4. Don’t know what verklempt means but it sounds about right. — Alyric    Jul 17, 10:32 PM    #

  5. Thank you for posting this, Kathleen. Patty will be missed so much. I feel so fortunate that I got to “meet” her, even if it was just on line. She was a hard working woman, and she touched so many of us through her efforts.

    Anne — Anne    Jul 17, 10:45 PM    #

  6. Thank you. Thank you, Kathleen. Thank you again, Patty. — Jane    Jul 17, 11:02 PM    #

  7. Thank you, Kathleen – what a lovely tribute to Patty. I am very saddened by her sudden passing. She will be greatly missed. Thank-you again for the compilation of some of her insights and I do recall that wonderful last post of Patty’s to the St Johns list, as I had saved it. May She Rest in Sweet Peace. — hollywoodjaded    Jul 17, 11:30 PM    #

  8. Patty,

    We will miss you terribly but your work shall go on forever.

    Stephen — Stephen Shore    Jul 18, 12:31 AM    #

  9. I met Patty at Autreat 2002, when she presented “Food Issues for Independent Autistic Adults”. Despite her sensory difficulties, she pulled it together for her presentation and did very well. I think she always did whatever she had to do, and probably paid for it later. She will be missed. Thanks, Kathleen. — Clay    Jul 18, 12:48 AM    #

  10. Thank you for putting this essay, and these words of Patty’s, together, Kathleen. Patty, we will miss you. But I hope we can continue to hear you, as we carry on the work you were such a vital part of. — Phil Schwarz    Jul 18, 03:57 AM    #

  11. I did not know her personally, but I loved reading what she had to say. I will miss “seeing” her. — gail    Jul 18, 09:23 AM    #

  12. Memory Eternal to Patty. I will do the Trisgion prayers for the next 40 days. It what Orthodox Christians do when a person dies.

    Xenia Kathy Grant — Kathy Grant    Jul 18, 11:09 PM    #

  13. Thank you Kathleen for putting this together. I “knew” Patty from SJU Asperger for as long as I can remember being a member there (joined in ‘96). I always looked forward to her posts and her observations as I always learned from the wisdom she shared with us. Whether she ever knew it or not, she helped me raise my children and helped me help them understand and appreciate their potential.

    Patty.. I hope you are at peace. I will miss you.

    Ellen Jannol — Ellen    Jul 19, 07:48 PM    #

  14. Thank you. How perfect.

    Patty is one of the people who introduced autistic advocacy to me. With her words. Back in 2000 or so, when I was 17.

    Patty was a great advocate, a great friend, and…what a huge loss. Goodbye Patty. I wish you peace. — Kassiane    Jul 19, 10:40 PM    #

  15. Patty is someone who came into my life for a short period of time, and I have never forgotten. Whether she knew it or not, I learned so much from our conversations, working with her, watching her interact and witnessing her strength. I feel blessed to have known Patty.

    Her early departure from this world saddens me more than words can describe, but I find comfort in knowing she’s in a better place.

    The work Patty began will live on forever through those she touched. I plan to do my part to pass along the knowledge and ideas she presented to me.

    Thank you Kathleen for this opportunity. — Brandi Littlejohn    Jul 20, 12:59 PM    #

  16. It is a shame I only became aware of these quotes after Patty is already gone. I don’t really have the words right now to do her memory justice so I will leave with the above comment. — Gareth Nelson    Jul 20, 01:21 PM    #

  17. Rest in peace, Patty… one of the few autistic advocates so far that I’ve met face-to-face, a voice of reason in the mess of autism chats and mailing lists, and she’s gone so soon. ::sigh:: — codeman38    Jul 21, 05:09 PM    #

  18. I had the opportunity to meet Patty and her life partner just a month ago while visiting the United States. We sat around the glass kitchen table of a mutual friend in North Carolina—four Aspies, four laptops, and real connections. Her compassion and humor, her ability to laugh in the face of unimaginable difficulties, shone even brighter “in real life” than on-line. And now she’s gone, suddenly, just like that—and I found myself going “Damn it—I liked her!”

    Patty was an active operator at the #asperger support channel, one of her innumerable services for the AC community. Both her presence and her help have been invaluable in our little community, and she is being much missed. Thank you and farewell, Patty. — Martijn Dekker    Jul 22, 01:39 PM    #

  19. I find it dissapointing that I did not have a chance to say goodbye. — Quartz    Jul 23, 01:51 AM    #

  20. I met Patty in #AutFriends. She taught me, as she has taught so many others, that autistic people are PEOPLE, of any age. Teaching parents to respect their children and validating WHO we are was Patty’s mission in life.

    Patty and I owned a little autism channel on StarLink-irc.org. It was closed because I was a Mother-with-autism. Some of my friends were kids with autism. None of us learn social skills neruotypically.

    Patty was my irc “mom”.

    While she never fully grasped the problems I got into, she never held it against me.

    I cared about her.

    Linda
    chalcedony
    irc.starchat.net
    #Autistichat — chalcedony Linda Hull    Jul 28, 08:05 PM    #